The sounds of the keys in the door are me unlocking it to
come in as I did a few hours ago, I cannot look at myself
directly, I have lost all time herrings, space too, 'I can,
fly out over the night. I cannot look at my self direct! yt hat
is the thing I'm blocking out from my vision, everything',
is possible but that which I cannot force my self to do.,'
Divert now in day dreams more real than fdm,, and t^t _7
never lies. All the cars I can see from the window, ."all:^
of them sudenly fly up into the sky, this happens as I myself
am walking the long walk ofl vertical concrete that forrri's''' . .
the tower block. I defy gravity and so it does hot'exist/'
Everything is possible all at once, so many cars all over the
place, abamdoned metal shells litter the streets.'The' sounds
inside the flat, made by myself walking around, I block out
the confrontation with my self, then in half play-dream'look
around to see my in the chair, Inside the flat reading the book
I was reading half an hour ago. I see my own'terrified express-

-ion,it echoes back and forth like two mirrors'puf fa'ce to face.
Amplificataion of the terror of recognition'. Then ,1'decide to
break the film " Cut " in this mock up of there.a'l event. I greet
myself friendly and the friendship echoes back'.   • -
I go through all the combinations of fear, so'meohe f-aps"me on
the back. a surge of fear, then I say hello'to the. gh'.b^f that
tapped me,the fear vanishes, it is a glancing fast moving edge,
That recognitionof it sends it running mutating ..into'.another
form. The words are the recognition, also the easy avay out,
but thats only possible to say when thefraar has gone, when the
edge of its rapid changing face appears instinct of'survival mak.^

-es me banish it any way I can, got to keep on writing,^
Knocks behide in the night. I turn take recognition, of the fear,
cut it at its symptom, the source continues,, as I haye said som-

-ething is trying to get through, out of my, head. into real life,
difficult to contol it, but It is after all generated by .me,, any
playfull tholght that I have becomes real as soon as I think it,
as long as I keep in this state there is a degree of control. When
or if I begin to think of the appearences altering and suggesting
the playfull thoughts the control is gone, which is true I try not
to define, for in observation the two happen simultainiously and
there is no gap between the two, thought and event, event seen
from still the corner of my eye brain.

\^

The music is electrical, the FM station pounds out dischordant
electronic sounds, half short-wave off channel distortion half
acid-house pap...                                           ":

" come'do'wn to 'the station please, , , "                       ^

" Mr Codk''?^';'"                                           .]

" ^s'".^'.1;.;''..,!;.^/               •            .      '          |

" come down tp the station, ,, your son is dead "             1
" What.',? How/.""       ,              .             ,     .
" Overdose. .'"^   /

" Come dovyn.to the station please, , your son is dead.. "
" yes... .", 'f./ ' .^ ''.

" you.have a son named robert, , aged 17 years.. "
" come down to the station please, , , your son is dead. . "
Repeating in my head, got to keep writing, , ,the music is wind-

-ing its sel'fover the back of my head is / 3D stereo sound,
solid music, crshes against the window, , , every noise, .edge ds
my vision,,, trying to come through', , wants to exist, , I won't
let it, , the words , .definition evaporates the grinding fear.
Tricks of the head, , in the mind, break the hold the terror has
over me. Its all from my self so I have nothing to fear, re-

-define the Image,, the event that is trying to break through,
greet the ghost of my self with joy, , ,the terror stops bouncing
back and forth between the two facing mirrors, me and the ghost
Three cats once were pets hang dead by the neck from the gutt-

-ering of the family home, .redefine, , cut them down and the
fear is banished at once, ,the sight of that symbol of death,
can be banished by the refusal to reaoognise it, , ,this goes in
contradiction of previous " definition causes evaporation "
but works just the same, , anything to break the mirror to mirror
' stick to the script 'reactions, act in a diferent manner and
the image becomes out dated, has to adapt to another form.
Out spook the ghosts.

All that time banishing fear, no one thinks to banish equally
pleasure. '     •'' •'

li6